Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize