put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
