'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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