see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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