We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
