girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did i just pee glitter
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
