i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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