please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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