All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
