You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
