we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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