After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
