My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
