hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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