I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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