I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize