he wants to bone in the snuggie
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
