Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
