I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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