you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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