if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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