It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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