A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
sex in a hospital.. check
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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