Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
