My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
