Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
