You smell like stripper and shame
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
