I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
