his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
