i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
