The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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