I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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