it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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