i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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