Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
