It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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