I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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