I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
