I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
