His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
