If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
