I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize