I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
