Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
