I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
