i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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