i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
