It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
