Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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