You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
