I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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