just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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