I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
