I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
