Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
