At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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