I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
