I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
