a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
