Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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