jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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