Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize