But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
