he was CRYING into my vagina
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
