Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
