Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize