You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
