so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
