so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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