She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
