Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
