I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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